


Those days are dying in the dark.

by AmiriteWYT



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: And also spoilers since it's set after episode 36 I guess, Angst/Fluff, F/F, Tw : Mention of Death, and Carmilla misses the centuries she's known them, in which Mother and Will weren't completely bad persons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-15
Updated: 2015-01-15
Packaged: 2018-03-07 14:56:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3176501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmiriteWYT/pseuds/AmiriteWYT
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was a price to come back. But Carmilla doesn't regret coming back. Those eyes are worth every sacrifices she had to make. And yes, there's pain, and yes there are centuries of loneliness, and yes, she misses them despite their flaws.</p>
<p>"I'm so old, Laura."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Those days are dying in the dark.

**Author's Note:**

> It's quick and kind of ridiculous, just a thought I had and decided to write down.

"I'm old, Laura, I'm so old." she whispers.

 

On normal days, Laura would have retorted with something snarky but there's no nickname in that sentence and the way it's been breathed out in darkness makes her heart aches at the pain hiding in these simple words. She forgets about the "good night" she uttered a few minutes ago and slightly sits up on her bed, her weight on her wrist as she twists toward the window, watching the outlines of her roommate in the darkened room. For a second, she forgets why she is getting up in the middle of the night as she's transfigured by the sigh before her.

Carmilla is beautiful.  
She had already decided that a long time ago but tonight, tonight she can't tear her eyes of her and she can feel her heart hammering in her chest. She's bathed in moonlight and the air has left her lungs and she can't do anything else but stare, and stare and stare at all the beauty offered to her.  
She wonders if the vampire is this gorgeous just at this very moment or if she's been blind her whole life.

Carmilla is on the window sill, her arms resting on her knee and the side of her head pressed against the cold window. Laura can only see half of her face but it makes her hands ache to reach out and her fingers twitch to caress. She wants to trace the line of her neck, of her hypnotizing features, of her lips. And kiss her. Every part of her. She gets up, still mesmerized by her roommate, her naked feet softly hitting the ground, making Carmilla turns her head in her direction.

And suddenly she's falling. She's falling into deep deep night eyes faster and faster, myriads of shining stars brushing her skin and she itches to catch them and hold them close against her heart but they're moving too fast. She's falling head first into oblivion and doesn't care, because this is the most beautiful thing that's ever happened to her. Her feet are bringing her closer to her doom with each step and she can't bring herself to mind because with every inches won, she sees clearer. And she'd willingly give all of herself away if it was just to be granted a whole minute with her in this universe.

Her eyes are shiny, she notices. The stars reflecting in them diffuse too much light she realizes as she is closer. And she sees now. She sees the tears and she's breathing again, reconnected with reality, with why she got up in the first place. Her lips spread into an hesitant smile and she lets the tips of her fingers softly brushes the Carmilla's bare arm. It is gentle, whispers of touches and the vampire looks away, lost again in her swirling nagging thoughts.

Laura kisses the side of her head, wordlessly, as she gazes at the same sky as her roommate close to her. She lets her hand slides down her back, rubbing comforting circles and Carmilla lets out a soft sigh before slightly leaning on her. She kisses her hair again, letting her find in her whatever strength she needs. She's there and though there are a billion of questions pressing at her lips, she stays quiet.  
Because she knows that whispers need silence to be heard.

 

"Eternity is pretty lonely, you know."

 

And the human's heart aches at that because she can't begin to imagine how painful eternity must be. It has good sides, yes, such as Carmilla knowing perfectly about thirty different languages and being able to incredibly play a few instruments and her seemingly endless knowledge on history but how cold must it feels to see everything fade away from you. She shivers and wraps her arms around her.

 

"I think I miss them. A bit."

 

And that's when it hits her. Her mother and her brother are gone and Laura finds herself suddenly wondering how was her life before her and who the girl in her arms has now that they are gone. And she's aching to takes the pain she can see in Carmilla, in the girl she's holding close to her chest. Her walls have tumbled down and she bears herself at this act of trust.

 

" It is ridiculous." she mutters and her head bows, eyes trapped on her worrying hands laying on her now outstretched leg. "I shouldn't, I know. They were doing bad things. Very bad things." and through the evident frustration in her voice, the human can hear hints of regrets. Carmilla looks up, her hair flying a little around her, eyes lost somewhere far away again and Laura has to fight the urge to kiss the ache away.

 

"But so did I" she whispers in the night, "so did I."

 

Laura takes her face in her hands and gently pushes, willing Carmilla to look at her. But the vampire is avoiding her eyes, so she waits. Patiently. Until hesitant look meets her. She reassures her with a soft smile and kisses her forehead with all the tenderness she can offer. Then she's pushing a bit at the girl who's grumbling -but not really- because she was very fine where she was and why is she taking her place on the window sill. Spread out arms answer her and she settles against Laura, her head against her heart. Closing her eyes, she breathes in deeply as she's wrapped up in love. As promises of home silently ring to her ears.

And really, this must be one of the most uncomfortable position for both of them but neither would give it up for anything in the world.

 

"Doing bad things doesn't always mean you're entirely bad, Carm'."

 

There's a softness in her voice that makes the vampire's skin warm and she slides her arms around Laura's waist, enjoying the safeness she finds in the heartbeat echoing in her body as if it was her own.

 

"It's okay to miss them. You've known them for a long time." She treads her fingers through dark hair.

A long sigh answers her. She knows Carmilla must hate feeling that way and must be thinking she's looking fragile and bad and childish. But that's not what she sees. She doesn't see a a weak girl. She sees a beaten up girl who just lost her mother and brother and missing them despite all of their flaws. She sees a beaten up fighter who's still standing and has been for centuries.  
And she loves her.

 

" I remember him, you know ? Just after he was turned. Shaking in my arms. Little Will so lost and desperate."

 

Night eyes close to darkness, only listening to the regular thumps against her cheek. She lets memories flood her and for once, allow herself to seek relief in someone else. She finds it in the peaceful silence welcoming her.

 

"I saw him grow up, embracing the vampire life style" she laughs a little, humorlessly, as she half sings song the last part " always trying to please Mother as I was messing with her."

 

She remembers a young Will, not older than 25 when she already was over 178, walking next to Mother with a smug look in his eyes as she was congratulating him for the fest they just made. Her chest tighten when she remembers she was there, too, with that same look of pride plastered on her face. Who hadn't craved for Mother's attention, she wonders.

 

" And I remember her holding me the same way I held him after I was murdered and turned by some young uncontrollable vampire. Her holding me before I disappointed her when I stopped following her path the way she wanted." she chokes back a small sob. "I remember her loving me."

 

And these are the words that break Laura. She holds her close and closer and her hands search for her face to bring her up and to look at her, to look at her. She kisses her. Softly. Hoping she can feel all the love blossoming in her chest. Her thumbs brush away the salty tears lazily sliding down her cheeks.  
Carmilla thinks about the smile on Mother's face whenever she lured a new prey. How she would tell her how proud she was. How good of a daughter she was. And how bashful she would be inside, at Mother's words. Now there's nothing but shame and disgust and loneliness.

And past eternity.

But there's a strong heart beating against her palm, and there are comforting soft hands on her arms and there are gentle warm loving eyes looking at her. She smiles slightly with that sad smile that makes the human's heart aches.

 

"Eternity was a long time ago."

 

Laura feels her shuddering against her as Carmilla remembers the price of the blade of Hastur. The burning sensation spreading in her body as she closed her hands on it, ripping her immortality from her. Excruciating pain swirling in her veins as she held it up with all the strength she could muster. Destruction tearing her apart as she willingly let the Light takes her. Stripping her from eternity and infinity and forever.  
  
Love will have its sacrifices. Her immortality. Mother. Her brother.

There was a price to come back. But Carmilla doesn't regret coming back. Those eyes are worth every sacrifices she's had to make. And yes, there's pain, and yes there are centuries of loneliness, and yes, she misses them despite their flaws.

 

"I'm so old, Laura." she breathes.

 

She misses the evenings with Mother in the early times. She misses the way Will would nag her, as any sibling would and how, sometimes for a moment, you could have mistaken them for a true family.  
But she doesn't miss seeing her brother submissive to Mother by fear nor the hatred burning in his eyes. She's been stripped down from her family and memories and wished many time it wouldn't happen to him either. But it did. As always, she lost against Mother.

 

" I miss my mom too, sometimes." Laura's voice barely a whisper when she brings her roommate's head to her heart.

 

" And you know what makes me feel better ?" the vampire lightly shakes her head against her chest " I think about all the people here who loves me. And I remember that she loved me very, very, very much and I'm sure she still does from where she is now."

 

And when Carmilla looks up and sees the look she's giving her, she doesn't know if the human is still speaking about her mom and not Mother… or old, oh so old, Mircalla's mom but there's so much love in these words that her heart swells. Not, not always. She didn't always lose against Mother. And she kisses her because that's all she can do, and the pain gripping her is being roughly pushed away as hands cup her face and teeth gently tug at her lip. She smiles, and it is genuine and it is full of promises.

 

"Alright cutie, we need to move because I'm all sore with how twisted my body is."

 

And she's right, she's between Laura's legs, her upper body twisted so she could kiss her but really it's starting to hurt. They laugh and gets up, the vampire offering her hand, like a gentlewoman and leading them to their beds. When she lies down in her bed, Carmilla expects her roommate to do the same, to slide under her own covers, on her side of the room. But she hears a shuffling and suddenly there's a yellow pillow dropped on her face and someone is pushing her closer to the wall and sliding under her covers.  
She smiles, getting comfortable, watching Laura as she settles her head on her chest, their legs entangled together. They sigh in happiness.

Carmilla doesn't regret the sacrifices. She doesn't regret paying the price.

And never will.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope it wasn't too bad !


End file.
